Writing Challenge: Blue Smoke

My name is Timmy Reynolds and i am age 6.

mum gave me a diery so i could write my thougts in it every day. she says i am clever for my age. teachers at school dont like me. miss Gregs says i am a buzy body and a no it all. but miss Foster is nice. she always asks if me and mum are ok. she writes down everythink i say.

Now i can write what i say to. my diery is blue and red and has a pickture of a turtel on it. its hard to write out side becos its cold in Febry and my fingers get slow.

I can here mum laughing in side. she always does that when the wizard comes. i dont like being on the back step. its lonly. but when the wizard is here i have to sit on it. mum red me a story about a wizard last week. i dont think the man that makes mum laugh is a reel wizard. he has no beerd or a wand or a cape like Dumbeldoor. the wizard has picktures on his arms and a ring in his nose. and he smells funny. hes meen to me.

I get reely hungry on the back step. last week it got to nite time and i was hungry. when i went in side for a samwidge mum shouted at me. she was lieing on the sofa with the wizard. it was hard to see her becos the house was foggy with blue smoke. it was very smelly in side. the wizard called me a brat. mum said i had to wait for the wizard to go home. i wasnt to be in side when she had her speshul time.

Some times i wonder why my dad doesnt come home. he could make me a cheese samwidge and draw picktures with me. mum says my dad works far away. he must be very busy becos i havent seen him for a long time. mum looks after me good. some times we make griled cheese togehter and she tells me jokes. she doesnt like it when i ask about her work. she says its grown up stuff. she must have a grate job becos she knows lots of peeple and has lots of freinds. some are like the wizard but some i only see one time.

My bottum is cold now. the stars are comign out. at school we did about the moon and the sun. we saw a movie about astronorts in space. when i grow up i will be an astronort and fly away from the erth. i think if i fly far away i will find my dad. when i asked where my dad was mum said he was probly high. she gets angry when i ask about him. mums and dads are sposed to be best freinds. 

Now they are playing music. that means i wont be let in side for a long time. i could go to my freinds house. her name is Kris. her mum makes me a cheese samwidge some times. i sleep in a spare bed and she sings to me. when she takes me back home in the monring my mum is always crying.

Maybe the blue smoke gets in her eyes.

-x-x-x-

This short story was inspired by Indigo Spider’s Sunday Picture Press – a challenge to write a 500 word piece of fiction using one of 2 photos as a prompt.

I reached 554 words and had to stop, I am tempted to write another piece in the third person about Timmy rather than through his words. It’s been a long time since I was 6 so I tried my best to write this as accurately as possible using a 6 year old’s vocabulary and how they might perceive the world. I did a bit of research about how children write so there are some very obvious spelling mistakes etc in the story!

Once again 2 excellent picture prompts. If you want to join in and write a short piece of fiction clicky-click Indigo Spider’s link above and wrap your imagination around one of the photos!

The photo I used for the writing prompt is from http://smashinghub.com

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16 thoughts on “Writing Challenge: Blue Smoke

  1. Very well, written, Noobcake! I can’t help but think that, although you might not realize it, you might be closer to the truth for a few in today’s broken society. Really well written!

      • The spelling mistakes kept you very locked on into the fact that it was the thoughts of an innocent child. Usually spelling errors would annoy me, but not at all in context of this piece. It made it way beyond words, but also the emotions and lack of understanding of just a small boy. You’re welcome 🙂

  2. wow. I taught young children for a number of years and they wrote daily in a journal. You’ve captured the spirit of a young boy’s writing very well. You constantly amaze me with your creativity and ability.
    walk in beauty.

  3. Another excellent piece! You captured well the voice of a little boy, with his writing, that it felt like reading an actual 6 year old’s diary. As someone else said, usually spelling mistakes are annoying but in this case it truly enhanced the story. I feel so bad for Timmy, made me want to wrap him up in a warm blanket and make him a grilled cheese. You amaze me each week with your writing ability!

    • Do you think he came across as optimistic enough? I wanted him to be alone and kind of forgotten but still positive. I might take some time to write more about Timmy when I get chance, and see what happens. Thanks for your comments!

  4. Excellent!
    I was so taken in by the way this is written and the child’s spelling/vocabulary, it felt like I was really reading a small child’s ‘diery’.

    • Thanks Trevor and welcome to my blog! Nice of you to stop by. It does seem from everyone’s comments that I managed to get it right, which is what I was concerned about – either the vocabulary was above or below that of a kid Timmy’s age.

  5. Eu vejo esta criança ,pequena de apenas 6 anos, ele aparentemente esta triste…
    analizando o conteudo escrítos da história me surpreende,eu pesquizei o outro
    lado desta página e tive muitos recursos e temas para escritores e Editores,
    Excelente matéria noobcake. muito prestativo com todos nós
    Obrigado.

  6. Thanks Helio! Always nice to read your comments. I usually put your comments into Google translate and today that got me thinking. Do you do the same or can you read English but prefer your native language to write?

  7. Pingback: Sunday Picture Press VII | Indigo Spider

  8. What a great story. Your writing style, the words misspelled and the innocence of Timmy came through so well. He never lost his spirit and hope or his love for his mum. Children are so resilient.
    Thanks, Noob. I enjoyed the read very much!

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