Facebookers…(shake head & sigh deeply)

What the Facebook logo should really say.There’s something about Facebook I just don’t like. I’m going to be hugely hypocritical with this post because like so many other sheep I have a Facebook page, and I regularly login to see what utterly boring things everyone else is/has/will/was be doing/done/did and then change my status to reflect whatever tedious task has been the highlight of my day/hour/minute/moment!

Facebook has become deeply rooted in people’s lives, and whilst social networking sites have many good points it’s the banal reasons behind why people use them that really grinds my gears. Not all Facebookers are riddled with OCD that forces them to log in 28.6 times a day to update their status and say LOL to the must unfunny of photos – so a small apology goes out to those who aren’t complete morons. That said let’s take a look at the varying levels idiocy within the Facebook community. I’m generalizing here so feel free not to post random comments about how much you love your Facebook page and how it lets you and your “mates” keep in touch. Purlease, before social networking sites people went out and “talked” to each other “face to face” and conversations had weight and meaning to them. So save your protests for someone who gives a crap, k?

The Teeny-Bopper Facebooker

Your typical teenager trying to grab a slice of attention from the many 1000’s of mates they have in their Friends List. Plenty of nonsensical jibberish can be found throughout their every interaction on Facebook, from idiotic abv’s like “kk” and “JK” (short for joke I assume) and the worst fucking word I’ve ever seen: IMA. I’m not a grammar or spelling nutcase, but that word really makes me so angry. It’s an amalgamation of words which makes sense when used in a sentence: “ima keep on saying it” which means “i will keep on saying it” or “i’m going to keep on saying it.” It’s just such a horrible nasty little word – ima – that it makes me cringe every time I read it.

I know English professors state that language evolves and with the introduction of new text-speak and internet slang that we should expect words to be chopped and changed, but there are boundaries, or at least there should be. And just recently I’ve noticed a lot of these – :L – the smiley with a capital L. And I’m not sure what it is supposed to mean, how bad is that! I’ve tried to look it up but the meanings are totally random. Some websites say it means confusion, others say it’s similar to – 😛 – the smiley with a capital P which means sticking your tongue out. Whatever. Teenagers use :L everywhere, combined with “lol” it makes for pretty poor communication. Imagine a post of Facebook:

:L aah. it soundz silly 2me! lol

and yeh :L. it wuz well out of order. well random lol :L

ima going to town tomoz, lol, should b like fun i guess if you get me :L xxx lol

What. The. Fuck! I’m not so old that I don’t get what is being said but I’m pretty sure there are entire generations growing up thinking that it’s perfectly fine to stick an lol in a sentence wherever they fucking feel like! It means Laugh Out Loud you morons! So all teens are doing a lot of laughing then? No wonder teens look more awkward talking to adults that when I was a kid, they don’t know how to communicate properly anymore. What a shame.

So apart from the fucked up use of language the Teeny-Bopper Facebooker has a weird sense of nothing mattering too much or not making any sense so let’s just laugh it off and then go and have some laughs somewhere, cos u know, it will b a laugh. I truly feel sorry for teenagers because like every generation before them they think they’re the first to go through things and experience life, and for all their desires to be different from their peers the majority will end up being the same when they grow up – job, bills, responsibilities and having to think of the consequences of their actions before they act.

Teeny-Bopper Facebookers can be categorised:

  • Young Teen – Everything is exciting – lets chat for eva!
  • Girly Teen – I love hair and fashion and ma mates and jus bein me!
  • Young Immature Lad – heh titties are funny – futty down the rec at 2 k?
  • Mature Teen – Jus keepin in touch wit ma mates.

Facebook was laid out for anyone other than kids who have Beebo, MySpace etc. Yet it’s ease of use and functionality has drawn in the teen crowd like a fight in the school playground, um…they still have playgrounds right? Teeny-Bopper Facebookers are natural attention seekers, their posts beg for a reaction, they crave a reply – praise, agreement, argumentative, hatred, anything goes so long as it feeds their craving for attention.

The Attention Seeking Facebooker

These are often smug self-centred pricks who crave attention from any source, good or bad, it’s all the same to them. People who post shit like: “We’re thinking of you Daddy, bless ya heart, ima neva forget ya xxx” which is just terrible self-indulgent meaningless junk that has absolutely no warmth or thought behind it, other than the hope of other people seeing their post. The same when someone’s dog dies, is it that important that you mention it on Facebook? Really???? You can remember your Dad/Mum/Granny by thinking about them, you don’t need to tell everyone about how you’re thinking about your dead family. I don’t suddenly blurt out that I’ve just had a thought pop into my head about my dead mother, and I certainly wouldn’t tell anyone of Facebook if I had done.

Posting things that should be deeply personal to someone proves that person has an element of shallowness to them, and ultimately the posts that are supposed to convey deep feeling and emotion are empty gestures created to receive feedback, nothing more. You have friends regardless of Facebook, so next time you want to tell the world how sad you are about your pet fish dying, try to dial it down and think about pathetic and uncaring you may appear.

I understand there are some isolated people in the world, and Facebook is like a lifeline to them. But when a Facebooker with 328 friends (some must be real life ) and a massive social aspect to their Facebook page, declares their upset over a dead dog/fish/sibling/parent/car/film star etc – then there is a serious problem in their lives and would benefit from either a trip to a counsellor or a priest.

The Attention Seeking Facebooker kind of merges with the next on our list:

The Million Photo Facebooker.

This type of Facebooker can be any age. They don’t realise how stupid they appear because they just think they are just sharing. Hmm, there is a difference between sharing a photo here and there of a party or beach trip or wedding and posting 100’s of photos every weekend.

Ever sat with someone whilst they show you their photo album? Granny perhaps with her black n whites? Your other half’s mother who thinks it’s funny to parade endless photos of her precious running around the garden aged 3 with nothing but a sunhat on? It’s boooooooring! Now imagine yourself having a quick look on Facebook (sad right?) and you find someone has tagged you  or a friend in a photo. You click photo. You remember the event or enjoy seeing your friend at said event etc. But then you go to the next photo, hmm…kind of the same but from a slightly different angle. Next one. Ah yes, same place but not a few people have moved around. And at the 37th photo you are bored to tears but can not stop clicking N E X T.

The fact that these people have dozens of albums on Facebook, with 100’s of photos in each one is shocking. And amongst the Teeny-Bopper Facebooker Girl community there appears to be a horrible trend: aiming the camera at self from arms length then appearing not to notice there is a camera there at all and looking at something much more interesting. Ugh. I truly hate that kind of photo, self centred look-at-me-having-a-great-time and please comment on my photo.

I dislike the titles people give their photos too: Ma Besties. Jesus wept. Besties? Fucking Besties!!!!! Best Friends. MA? It has the same number of letters as MY!!

K, calm again. People who post way too many photos of their lives on Facebook have a problem. Since I’m not a psychologist I won’t try to figure out what exactly but seems quite abnormal. I’ve posted a few photos myself, but I have never felt the urge to stick dozens of similar photos of some party I went to last week, especially when several people were also running around shooting their own photos for their own Facebook album. Hey it’s you taking a picture of me, taking a picture of you, whilst person 3 takes a picture of us from a different angle. Oh yay. Good times. Dick heads. Maybe you would have a better time if you left your camera phone at home and actually enjoyed the event instead of feeling you have to validate your reason for living by photographing every last fucking detail in a relentless yet pointless effort to prove your life isn’t the empty shell you know it to be when you are all alone in the darkness.

There were a bunch of photos taken when my Dad got married, usual stuff, bride and groom in nice garden, friends and family staring with wide smiles at the camera…blah blah, everyone has a set of them when they get married. But the best photo from that day is the one they have on their wall in their living room. They are making their way through the crowd outside, confetti blowing in the air, people cheering, both of them smiling and loving each second of it. It’s a togetherness photo. Pure joy. A one of a kind moment captured in that single frame. It’s the best photo in my Dads house by far! What makes a photo like that valuable and special? Because there aren’t another 1000 very similar photos plastering all over the walls in their house.

Bottom line: photo’s are a great way of capturing the moment but less is more. That one single photo of you and friends having a great time is much more valuable than 50 similar photos at the same event. Why? If we had a swimming pool and cinema in the back garden then the cinema in town and the beach become meaningless, and in the end no one finds any of it exciting.

The Serial Poster Facebooker

Similar to the Million Photo Facebooker, the Serial Poster feels that the rest of the Facebook community need to be updated every few minutes with their actions/deeds/jobs/thoughts/ideas/musings/jokes/experiences etc. Those new moms who instead of boring their mates with endless chatter about what little Jimmy did with his feet now leaves Facebook open all day long so she can bash out great ones liners like:

Sally Mummy Jimmy smiled and sucked his toe, bless!
June 2 at 8.55am

Sally Mummy Changing Jimmy and our dog Snoopy ran off with the Huggies bag
June 2 at 8.59am

Sally Mummy Jimmy is asleep. Peace.
June 2 at 9.10am

Give it a fucking rest! Maybe if you spent a bit more time focussing on your newborn son the dog wouldn’t have run off with your bag of nappies you stupid woman! And located under each one of these posts are comments from friends who presumably either have kids of their own, are unemployed, or don’t have anything better to do that sit and stare at their Facebook page until someone posts something they can comment on. And it’s the banal stuff like that I really can’t stand.

Sally Mummy Jimmy smiled and sucked his toe, bless!
June 2 at 8.55am

  • Jenny Smith lol
    June 2 at 8.56am
  • Liz Friend awwww how cute
    June 2 at 8.57am

It’s just bullshit. Why do people need this constant validation from their peers? It’s as if they don’t have any self believe or will power or inner strength so they must be propped up by any number of idiotic comments. And then there are the other people who post pretty much everything they do, and even log in from a mobile device, thus:

Nigel Jones Leaving for work.
October 15 at 7.30am

Nigel Jones At work.
October 15 at 8.01am

Nigel Jones Emails done. Work time.
October 15 at 8.15am

Nigel Jones Hungry. Lunch time. Going to pick up dry cleaning.
October 15 at 12.42pm

And that’s important, exciting, fun, interesting….WHY????????? It’s the worst kind of communication. It is also the same as the photo’s. How is anyone supposed to pick out anything of interest or worthwhile from a 100 posts a day? These people even go so far as to say Good Morning and Good Night on Facebook! If you find yourself greeting a website in that manner you should head for the nearest psych ward and ask for a padded cell.

The Serial Poster Facebooker fills your page with endless comments and mindless observations they feel are very necessary because people like to know what they’ve been doing, don’t they?

Nigel Jones Just got home from walking the dog.
October 15 at 18.32pm

  • Noobcake Really? That must have been really super for you! Well done! I’m so glad that a person I have never met in real life or hardly see or have any kind of relationship with is keeping me updated on an hourly basis with their shitty dull life. Thanks for telling me that pointless piece of information. I can sleep soundly now. Big thumbs up to you! Well fucking done!

I don’t actually need or want to know what my closest friends/family/colleagues are doing every hour of every day let alone a random high school acquaintance I don’t give a shit about. It’s this final one that prompted me to start this rant in the first place. These people place such importance on Facebook. If it was suddenly taken away how would they cope? Badly I think.

Facebook can have it’s good points.

I totally agree with that. I just think the social part of the social networking buzz word is a joke. When using Facebook we’re not being sociable, and I don’t care if you try to explain how social aspects have shifted and now encompass the digital as well as the physical. Bullshit. Being social is spending time in the company of other human beings. A website may provide you with the ability to enter information but the social aspect could easily be provided by clever AI.

I don’t want to bash the actual purpose of Facebook, it has its uses, but I do question the point in using it. I recently posted a question on Facebook asking if I should delete my Facebook account. I had a negative response. Not one person said yeah go for it mate. I was advised not to do it. No solid reasons why though. I think one reason why I don’t delete it is the groups, not the friends. I love groups like:

We Love Full English Breakfast by Chris Pirson
Silly stuff. People post photos of their breakfast and other people comment. Funny.

Facebook World of Warcraft
Always interesting screenshots or new content, fan art and general discussions without logging into the WoW website forums.

Tera Online Fanpage
New MMO coming out in 2011. Like the Warcraft group I can see news quick and easy without heading to their main website.

Facebook can be addictive. I have found myself logging in just to see if someone has commented on one of my comments. That is so so sad. And sometimes I catch myself staring blankly at the screen and think to myself: “I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.”

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3 thoughts on “Facebookers…(shake head & sigh deeply)

  1. Your atricle didn’t half make me smile and I absolutely agree with you 100%. In fact, your article has made me give serious thought to coming off Facebook and occupying my time with more stimulating activities, like reading, chatting on yahoo IM with real people about real things, drawing, writing….ANYTHING!! I myself have, as you have, been guilty of a couple of these EVIL Facebooker traits, but all I do on there now is administrate a page and a group which is of interest to me. I chat and joke with my group members and page fans and gleefully delete the moronic, the perverse, the degenerate and, of course, those “ADD ME” cretins, who trawl through page after page, trying to accumulate as many fake friends as they can, just so they feel popular. Suffice to say, business in that respect is extremely brisk! I don’t have a genuine profile of my own – just a fake one under a pseudonym. No family or real life friends/aquaintences on there whatsoever. I’m now purely on FARCEbook to administrate my page and my group because, let’s face it, that’s the only constructive use Facebook has! As for being a genuine user, posting rubbish updates every microsecond and typing “lol” after everything I read because I can’t be arsed to write anything else, well……those days are over!

    Great article again! Thanks for showing me that there are still normal people on planet earth! – Steve.

    • Hi Steven and thanks for your wonderful comment! I love the name FARCEbook! What an excellent description. Since one of our spawn has gone off to university I’ve found myself checking facebook a little more often these days. And I admit that my posts on WordPress are also posted on my profile, though I don’t add any LOL’s or ROFL’s of any sort.

      It makes me wonder how any society felt it was a good thing to develop such a need to update the world with every last thing they do.

      I recently shared a picture of a young boy giving someone the finger, but that wasn’t the funny part. The slogan echoed my thoughts on Facebook perfectly:

      “If you have a problem, FACE it. Don’t FACEBOOK it!!”

  2. I totally agree! People seem to conduct their entire lives on Farcebook now (I call it Farcebook because the entire site is an absolute farce!) I’ve seen couples having full blown domestic rows on their Facebook walls, people conducting their virtual romances for all to see, and boy……..don’t you get tired of seeing photo after photo of the same person in slightly different poses? There seems to also be an unbelievable amount of Middle eastern sex pests on Facebook too – all with walls full of porn and stolen photos. It’s insanity! To think that some American guy became a multi billionaire because of this mess is unreal!

    Anyway, thanks for your response. Like I said, I saw your article (ironically while looking for spoof Farcebook logos on Google hehe) and felt really compelled to reply. I could’ve written this article myself!

    If you ask me, if they ended Facebook and other sites like it tomorrow, the world would be a much better place!

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