Are you prepared for the Big End? Do you have your “the end is nigh” sign ready? Do you have a G.O.O.D (Get Out Of Dodge) Bag packed and ready to go? Are you the type who prefers to run and scream or will you stand and fight to the bitter end? Can you protect your family/gang/McDonald’s/clan or X-Box?

Whatever your preferences for self preservation (or not) this handy guide will explain all you need to know to prepare for the up and coming apocalyptic nightmare. Fun topics include:

• How to tell if your boss is an alien.
• What to do when the aliens land.
• Jerry Springer: “I gave birth to Aliens!”
• Can you tell the difference between a Slumbering zombie and a Sprinting zombie?
• Will you know where to hide when the zombies come to play?
• Are you prepared for a terrorist attack?
• Face masks – good for what?
  

All this and much more awaits you in the all new!

The ONLY guide you will ever need to survive any apocalyptic scenario.

Disclaimer: This is a happy fun time guide and not intended for real life survival purposes. All information contained within the guide has been written for entertainment purposes only so if you want to follow the instruction please don’t come whining to me when things go horribly wrong. Noobcake is not responsible for any damage caused to you or anyone else during the apocalypse. Guns, aliens, zombies & terrorists are not toys.

Additional Disclaimer: The above disclaimer is a happy fun time disclaimer and not to be taken seriously. Anything it claims should be disclaimed. Do not take it seriously in other words. It’s a joke, you know what a joke is, right? Have a nice day!

Note about the Disclaimers: The above disclaimers are intended to highlight how some people might take this article seriously. You’d be surprised how many folks, after reading junk like this, will race out into the nearest town and buy up all the loo rolls/tinned peaches/candles & wind up radios they can lay their hands on. Please don’t do this, you will only look foolish and feel silly.