Chav, aka The Scrubber.

There’s a small percentage of the population out there who just don’t seem to blend in with everyone else, not posh gits or fashion victims and certainly not Chavs which is a subject I couldn’t care less about. I’m talking about SCRUBBERS, those horrible, dirty, foul-mouthed dossers who can’t dress properly, can’t talk properly and have less intelligence than a bag of Smarties.

Now before I get started I should point out that the Chav phenomena appears to be centred in the UK, although if there are any of these neanderthals where you live… er, well, you have my pity. To me the Chav thing is plain dumb, the media dream up ways to say people with certain dress sense and attitude are bad. Well I’d like to know why the media hasn’t had a good look at Scrubbers.

Chavs are just slightly richer Scrubbers, and seem to be quite happy with their reputation, with their imitation sports gear and baseball caps, looking tough and “‘ard” but running back to their 14 year pregnant girlfriend the second anyone walks looks at them.

But Scrubbers… oh man, scrubbers are like wannabe Chavs who just can’t get it right. We all know what they look like. Usually they wear clothes no one has ever heard of, trainers bought from the market are a good sign. They don’t have any manners and sport very bad hair cuts. You’ll often find them hanging around outside shops and bus shelters. They make small groups, look dirty and are almost certainly purposely living below the poverty line. They are very easy to spot.

Typical Scrubber
Go to a big theme park or a busy coastal town such as Hastings or Cromer, somewhere where there should be a mixture of different social types. You’ll spot the Scrubbers because the 8 year old kids barge into you whilst swearing at each other. They have no manners and spit on each other. The mothers usually don’t wear bras in the summer, and have very bad blotchy red skin, and you can see the gross “love bites” on their neck.

This is a sign one scrubber has sucked on another scrubbers neck whilst bonking (yes BONK, hard and fast like rutting pigs) noisily in the back of an abandoned car somewhere on an estate riddled with… yep, you got it, scrubbers! Most scrubber Dad’s (around the age of 15) spend most of their time playing Playstation, drinking tins of cheap cider (White Lightning or Thunderbird) calling their girlfriends “the slag” and making sure they only wash once or twice a month.

In the winter you’ll see them wearing  dirty coats, these are bought from a friend of a friend who got it from someone cheap, or stolen from a high street shop. The Dad’s, if they’re still around to see beyond the birth, wear naf jeans, ill-fitting clothes and smoke, in fact most of them smoke.

There are alternatives to the term Scrubber: Chav, Ned, Townie, Kev, Charver, Steek, Spide, Bazza, Yarco, Ratboy, Kappa Slapper, Skanger, Janner, Stig, Scallie and Scrut…you get the picture. They all encompass this one image that says: “I’m street garbage, a malingering sore on the growth of humanity, please stick me in the nearest bin where I belong.”

And earrings! Why do the girls feels the need to pierce their ears 20 times? What purpose does it serve? It sure doesn’t look nice to me. I’m not a snob, I’m a normal guy. I’m just observing the world around me and I know that Scrubbers ought to be packed inside a giant rocket and shipped off to the moon, no, the Sun. No escape then.  They provide no service or benefit to anyone, other than keeping those poor Vietnamese children working 24/7 making Hike or Fils mock sportswear. No normal, intelligent person will buy a fake Tag watch for £20 because it will leave a nice green circle around your wrist, fall apart in a few weeks and will never be water proof.

Spot a Scrubber near you – The Checklist – Are They Wearing?
1) Sportswear – lots of it. Imitation designer gear.
2) Expensive (stolen) yet worn out trainers.
3) Jewellery – nasty gold rings, earrings and big dangley cheap necklaces. Big hoop earrings. Fake diamond ones for the boys.
4) Bad Skin – youths with beige trainee moustaches grown in the hope they will appear old enough to be served alcohol. Mothers wear cheap makeup, have blotchy skin and horrible toes. Truly horrible.
5) Language – lots of swearing, very common speech, bad pronunciation. Basically sounding like the dumbest people on the planet.
6) Lots of chewing gum. McDonalds eaters. Dirty bastards.

Absolute filth bags.
I have a serious dislike for Scrubbers. It’s that council estate look that gets me. Sometimes you’ll see a Scrubber dressed in supposedly very expensive clothes. Why do they do this? To make themselves feel good that they look rich? To blend in with what they think everyone else wears? I got news for them, rich people don’t walk about in Nike trainers & D&G jeans, & a million other fashion accessories all at the same time. They don’t need to.

Scrubbers are pure filth. They live like peasants, have no brains, no education, no standards, no social skills, no morals, no interest in society and no understanding  of their surroundings. They spend a lifetime on benefits, and seem to find it amusing that their entire family (and even entire neighbourhoods) claim benefits. Watch an episode of Trisha on British TV and you’ll spot a Scrubber easily, or watch Wife Swap, there you have one normal woman and one complete Scrubber woman. You’ll easily see the difference. Better still get a few episodes of Shameless on your tellybox, you’ll get the picture instantly.

And why is that all Scrubbers seem to have kids at around the age of 12-15? Is this due to mum and dad doing the same thing and it’s just a habit to knock out a few kids as early as possible and live off benefits? Or perhaps an undiscovered Scrubber gene is responsible for their behaviour. It could be there is a disease of some kind that infects the stupid and ignorant? Would that make a good deterrent for unsafe sex? Clunk, Click, Roll One On Yer Dick – Or You’ll Get The Scrubber Disease!

I’m not saying that everyone must be the same, and variety makes this planet so fascinating, but why did any aspect of human society or evolution think it was a good idea to produce a slice of population that truly is walking garbage? I know there are plenty of social and economic factors at work to be blamed but that just seems like a cop-out to me.

I know we should embrace all walks of life but surely that doesn’t mean these evolutionary rejects does it??

– If you enjoyed that rant check out what I think of the Emo Race

4 thoughts on “Chav, aka The Scrubber.

  1. Thanks for the comment, I wrote it over the course of two evenings. Was great fun to write about this section of the public!

  2. I hate the filthy!
    Lesser spotted SCRUBBERS!
    We call em’ ‘Mill bags’ in Northern ireland or if they are exceptionally common, mill beggs! Stems from days of the old working mills when common 1960s trollops wore stilettoe’s and had bleach hair covered in bri nylon scarves with a ‘Feg’ hangin out of the dirty shankhill road mouths lol.

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