Why are EMOGurls obsessed with themselves?

So it’s a fashion statement thing, an image thing, a teen thing, a state of mind thing, a music thing…all of the above but also a dirty, slutty, pathetic, innocent my arse, small-minded sheep, see how cute I look when I shove my pretty titties in your face but then slap you for looking thing!

This isn’t just about the actual appearance of these sad dorks, I want to find out the real reason why EmoGurls are so totally obsessed with their looks. I really want to know why EmoGurls (yes you read correctly, G U R L, that’s how it’s spelt now) have this compulsion to constantly take photographs of themselves and then share them with the rest of world.

And let’s face it, there are only 2 types of people searching for this kind of photo on the net; 1) Lonely men in dark rooms starting an evening of phallic fun, and they need a few potential targets to help get the old chap warmed up before hitting the hard stuff. 2) Other EmoGurls who need to check if their hair style/makeup mask/lip gloss or pout/pose/innocent wide eye look has gone out of fashion in the last few hours.

The subject of the EMO plague was lightly discussed in a post back in Feb 2009, click this link to read Emo…WTF?? For now we’ll try to unravel the mystery behind the EMOGurl image obsession.

Follow me along the line up as each victim is singled out and ridiculed for amusement. I’m not a psychologist and know nothing about the psyche or inner workings of the mind, nor do I buy into the whole NLP hypnotherapy bullshit. I prefer to use my own well balanced judgement, this is based solely on the fact that I’m a normal person.

1) Striped Top Gurl:

Moronic Gurl

This sad creature has self-esteem issues. She hides behind a thick splodge of makeup, or mask if you prefer. It has been sometime since she spent any time looking at her face in the mirror without help from Max Factor. Her golden rule is: no Max, no friends. Striped Top Gurl has issues with society but only because that’s what she thinks society wants from her.

She may have a lot of pals, but ultimately she is lonely yet will never admit that. The reason for her constant self shots is for MySpace. Her friends all have vast MySpace pages, riddled with vampire codes, goth music, strange posters about teenagers in peril and a moody yet jazzy colour theme. She dines on a regular intake of feedback from her peers, and any negative comments are dealt with in a strange mixture of false bravado and attacking the other persons physical appearance.

2) Kinda Wholesome Gurl:

Part-time rebel

Wholesome Gurl has strict parents who she actually respects. There is no divorce here, no huge family problems, and so happy is home life that she would struggle to invent anything bad to spread on Beebo. This doesn’t mean that Wholesome Gurl is a total cheerleader, you can tell by the Emo Hairstyle and the extra thick eyeliner that she has a tiny streak of rebel in her trying to break free.

There are clues in the photo that point to her desire to join in with the Emo culture, the vest top, the hair, the eye liner, the slight cleavage and wisp of bra all lead us to believe that she has a rebellious streak in her. She doesn’t have the same need to be validated by her peers on Beebo like Striped Top Gurl. She is happier and more intelligent than the other sad acts we have lined up here. Good for her.

3) Vampire Goth Wannabee Gurl:

Dark n dorky

Here we have a frightened teeny-bopper, desperate to thrust her image down everyone else’s throat, desperate to alienate people whilst struggling to be individual amongst thousands of clones. She takes great care applying make-up, for her this a labour of love, and as such her MySpace page is not only splattered with 100’s of photos of her face but are accompanied by entire sketchbooks of artwork.

She thinks her artwork defines her. It is moody, gritty, depicts real emotion and has a no holds barred attitude she truly thinks is new and interesting. She is pushing back the boundaries of where art can go and her art teacher hates her for this. Naturally this is all bollocks. Her drawings, whilst interesting only as far as a glance goes, are basically the work of a talentless slut who is destined to work at Wendy’s where she will become bitter and pregnant.

Vampire Goth Wannabee Gurl is a sad person and scared of the world. She would love nothing more than to have a boyfriend, but looking the way she does, and with a vast chip on her shoulder, the only people she attracts are short-haired, spotty lesbians who don’t know how to work a razor. She’ll go there too.

4) Phone & Nudity Obsessed Gurl:

Wannabee PornStar

Here we have a potential topless/implied nudity or full nude gurl. If not already she will eventually appear somewhere on the net sans clothes, and taking photos of herself on her phone is preparation for this. She likes to try new things out, like rolling down the waistband on her shorts to give the impression it may even slip lower and then we could….just….about…see…

Everything about her huge hairstyle to her body language says one of two things; she wants to be seen as a wild child, out there, taking on challenges and enjoying life in her own unique (yeah right) way like no one else – yet she hasn’t got a clue why she does any of these things, it’s just a weird personality addon that she has acquired between the age of 8 and 12.

Phone & Nudity Obsessed Gurl has been brainwashed by the media. She thinks what she does is cool and trendy and back off wanksta ima jus bein me so don pidgeon hole me you Nazi! Her parents have no idea what their daughter gets up to in her bedroom because she tones down the scary sex doll look when  in the companyt of her haven’t got a clue our daughter is an interenetVidChatGurl dumbass parents. Photos of this gurl appear mostly on Beebo and on other boys phones. Share and share alike boys, cos gurls like this haven’t yet grasped the true nature of Bluetooth.

5) Skater-Gurrl:

Clueless, brainless - dork!

A classic Avril Lavigne wannabee glam punk/rock/skate chic. Don’t try to look for any intelligence, you won’t find any. This is a classic case of changing your image to fit the current trend without giving any thought as to why. Skater-Gurrl needs to fit in with the crowd, if she is any different to anyone else in her tiny mob of mates then she leaves herself open to ridicule for looking weird as her pals will say.

It is clear that her FaceBook has roughly 10 photo albums each with 300-600 photos, mostly of her taken with cam in hand, looking off centre so as to appear uninterested in the actual photographer and uncaring in the process. In other words, ultra-cool. This is actually all ok because all of her friends look pretty much the same, even though they congratulate one another on their individuality on a daily basis. They all need to be told her pretty they look, how good their hair looks, how that day you looked really awesome and that checked top in EmoGurlHi-StreetStore really suited you.

This moronic gurl takes endless photos of herself because without the endless validation that she belongs she would be a nobody, and according to every magazine she reads that is a really bad move.

So it’s about validation then. The need to be adored, to be given reinforcing feedback that tells these insecure dorks that everything is ok or better. It’s images like this that lead me to believe that a plague of extreme low self-esteem and self-doubt has swept around the globe in recent years. I blame the Avril Lavigne propaganda machine. Anyone who spells it boi should be ashamed of themselves, that’s not cool you idiot, it’s laziness.

After much thought I’ve come to the conclusion that the word dork is very fitting when it comes to labelling EMO Gurls. No longer should this beautiful word be related to the nerd herd or gleeks, it fits perfectly where these poor sheep are concerned. They’re not cool or trendy and even though they think they’re individuals they just do it to fit in – although even this is where they fail as they don’t fit in.

The rest of the population think EMO’s are a joke, a hilarious bunch of misfits or clowns that provide us normies with something to laugh at and feel superior to, and that’s what it means to be a dork!

The internet does not appear to be filled with pictures of average looking, normal people holding cameras up above their heads, looking off to one side and pressing the capture button over and over and over again. EMO gurls seem to think everyone wants to know what they look like, that somehow their newest pic with their newest pose wearing their newest high street clothing is what we really log onto to look at.

EMO Gurls – get used to the fact that no one cares about your photos. No one is that interested in your image. Your endless stream of moody black and white photos, sketches, poetry and thoughts of suicide are pointless and boring.

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