But our vanity regime doesn’t stop there does it? Not one bit. Some of us feel this strange desire to enhance our appearance beyond that which sprouts from our head. We need our nails done, we need our faces to be painted in rich rainbow of clown like and very unnatural colours, we need a beauty therapist!
You can blame it on the media if you like, safest way of explaining our fascination with looking nice. But it boils down to vanity. I’m not knocking women here at all, more the extreme processes they go through to make themselves conform to what they truly believe to be normal. Every day we’re bombarded with images of so called beautiful people in the media, fashion icons, WAGS (grr, I hate that expression), celebrities and all the other people we see looking wonderful in our glossy magazines.
And due to this supposed level of attractiveness we turn to our beauty therapist. Usually a lady wearing some kind of authoritative tunic – hey look at me, I wear a smart looking dentists uniform but in a different colour, I must know what I’m doing! And to be honest most of them fail to hit that mark on the Beauty-O-Meter that says “Beautiful/Pretty/Dazzling etc” but rather the lower down mark of “Acceptable/mundane/over the top clown face” instead.
And these therapists are everywhere! Just look down your local high street. Butcher, baker, newsagent, grocery store, post office and oh….there’s a new beauty therapists just opened with a cute, lofty, intriguing name, we must pop in there some time. Dear oh dear! It’s funny how niche markets are created by the slow evolution of supply and demand. And people turn up in droves to get themselves beautified too!
Ok so some women do look damn ugly, as do men, but my own personal opinion is that human beings are beautiful full stop. No one needs to slap layers of make up on their faces, or have intricate designs painted on their false nails, or have some ancient message therapy performed on them. So why do people do it? Have you heard their reasons for their weekly visit to the clown faced beauty therapist? “Well it makes me feel better,” they say. “It’s my treat” or “I like to pamper myself”….Christ in a cartoon!
You’re not really doing it for the sole purpose of making yourself look good at all. You’re doing all this because it’s what society tells you to do. You want to enhance your attractiveness, maybe the years are slipping by and those late 40’s and 50’s aren’t treating you very well. Maybe you’re young and you go along with your galpals for a facial and nail session because “It’ll be neat and a bit of a laugh.”
And what does the beauty therapist tell people? They advise them on all sorts of things you need to have done, right now, immediately, before it is too late. Some jollup in a jar, supposedly made from crushed silk, jasmine and extract of god knows what (but is really just processed oils and synthetic crap) that goes on your face to enhance your features, reduce wrinkles, tone the layers of your skin and so on.
This high quality jollup costs a fair price, but it’s got to be working otherwise why would it cost so much? It’s proven to be beneficial for your neck/hands/face/turkey wing/bottom/feet etc cos it’s been tested on 50 women and 68% agreed it was quite nice. Sorry for being a tad overly cynical here, but that’s not really saying very much is it? 34 people they tested it on reported some benefit! Ok, sure, slap it all over my face with such amazing statistics as that!
So after their long session, massage with essential oils (why are they so essential?) nails done, hair done, facial and makeover done, what do people do after forking out fist fulls of cash? They make another appointment for next week/month whatever! Why? Because it’s now a routine, because they can no longer live without that special afternoon where a clown in a dentists tunic can sell them jollup in a jar and muck about with their bodies for an hour or two!
Another reason for this is to attract a mate or keep the one you have interested in you. To get a bit mucky here, there is a very well known fact for why women wear lipstick and makeup in general. It relates to our animal heritage in part. You know those baboons or weird monkey’s who look like they have been painting with their bottoms? Yep, all blue and red and colourful. They have that, like many other animals, so they can bend over, show their potential mate their arse and say “Look at me, my arse is multicoloured, way better than anyone else’s, so be quick and mount me!”
Well the same goes for lipstick. Parts of the body are enhanced to appear like other parts of the body. So full red lips, glossy and pucked supposedly entice a man as they are a mirror to what lies between a woman’s legs, yep, it’s the truth. I looked it up on the internet.
Beauty therapists have to earn a living, sure, that’s no problem. But prancing around in that silly dentists tunic, filling customers heads with your exclusive range of bullshit products just seems wrong to me. But then I guess customers head inside the beauty salon with the expectation of being sold a load of waffle, so long as it’s a weird green mixture they’re spreading all over your face at a cost of £50 for 25ml then it’s all ok and legit.
Please remember that we are all beautiful, take off the makeup, clean your teeth, wash the hair and realise that you do not need enhancing, you are perfect the way you are.