Turkey, Tinsel and Narcoleptic Dog Legs!

kinda undignified isn't it?It’s Christmas Eve and instead of partying or chugging back a few pints of sherry with friends, we’re starting to realise our well laid plans have not gone to…er, plan.  The problem is that we don’t have any wallnuts to spray gold. I know, I’m confused too cos it seemed like a good idea to have a pile of gold nuts and oranges as a Christmas dinner table centrepiece. Something different you know? Other than the same old candle set up. The masses we cook for on the big day expect a good show you see, quality food, warm family atmosphere and a jolly decent centrepiece. It’s important.

We haven’t had enough time to make mince pies, trust me we’re all ashamed about it. We have too many potatoes yet not enough pans to cook them in. We forgot the horse chestnuts which we wanted to serve with the sprouts, again something extra special, kinda different, memorable, you know? For the early morning, sleepy eyes present opening extravaganza we do not have any Bucks Fizz to quaff, it’s enough to bring you to tears isn’t it? There’s not enough coke, what will the energetic kids drink by the gallon like marathon runners dashing through the house and garden at 10,000mph, screaming & laughing like rabid howler monkey’s. Orange squash maybe? Guess what? No squash. Sigh.

 There’s no excuse. All we can do is apologise, try to learn from our mistakes, take it day by day and move on with our lives.

There is a silver lining, thin though it may be, my Bailey’s Cheesecakes do look exceedingly scrumptious! They smell amazing, Nigella would be proud. There was a mental “punch the air in triumph” moment earlier in the evening when I managed to save the world as we know it by fixing the broadband problem. The router recieved a severe telling off and after a moment of awkward silence it displayed a steady blue light.

So we come to the dog. Oh sweet lord where do I start? At times I have every sympathy for the old fella, helping him to his feet when he falls over and starts crying. I massage his back legs and send him on his merry way. He’s old, losing his eyesight, coordination, has no sense of spatial awarness and is quick to forget pretty much everything…like a big hairy goldfish.

And then there are the other times…the ones that can test the sanity of a brick. The back door can be open for hours, plenty of opportunity for the house trained dog attend to his business. Yet the second it is closed, we watch in bewilderment as the dog hobblesback and forth in front of the tv, tail in the air, preparing to drop a lovely present on the carpet. According to the Canine Rulebook it’s good to share.

Despite any problem, setback or inconvenience, Christmas day is always a fun, action packed adventure, filled with laughter, thrills and spills. We have excited present opening amidst paper ball bomb throwing, nibbles to eat, enthusiastic kids with their wittisisms and japery. There’s always jiggery pokery abound on this special day. We share our christmas meal with friends and family, an all too rare event these days. Good times. Memorable times.

While grand parents snore open mouthed in front of the tv, we troop off into the evening for a brisk walk to the broads. Torches in the darkness, wet noses and charming conversation. When the day draws to a close, after saying goodbye to friends, the sofa beckons. With a chance to reflect on the days events I come to the conclusion that there really is only one problem to face; the fact that we have to wait a whole year to do it again!

5 thoughts on “Turkey, Tinsel and Narcoleptic Dog Legs!

  1. The big day is looming, presents, yummy food, the hustle and bustle of people chattering away and maybe this year a little less stress at not being in the kitchen. I’ll miss the kitchen this year… 😦

  2. The most important thing about Christmas Dave is friends and family 🙂 We are going to France this year – I just wish our two sons in the UK would join us…but I think not. We will ahve to ahve a summer Christmas instead! They love the beaches and the pool here is great and I can just imagine the Grandchilren running round in years to come. Christmas in August!

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